Truth Life: I’m Addicted To Chocolate.. And Anything Else That’s Edible

16 Apr

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We have a snack cabinet at work. Yeah that’s right..a S-N-A-C-K  C-A-B-I-N-E-T  I wouldn’t care if it contained healthy goods BUT it has chocolate covered everything. You name it and it’s chocolate covered and living in our cabinet. So today I decided I was not allowed to go near the cabinet and if I did I wasn’t allowed to eat for the rest of the day. At work i’m kinda like Bruce from Matilda. I truly think snacks should be illegal. Imagine a world where meals were all you had and snack’s didn’t exist. I think my gym would shut down and I also think I would look like Giselle. Today i wore my gym clothes to work so that I would have to work out at lunch. Spring is here and it’s time to get my ass into shape…REAL quick.

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Do you Remember?

15 Apr

ImageSuckers from the 80’s/90’s with straight hair must remember these precious gems. I remember the sight of these pieces of shit would bring tears to my eyes. When the holidays came around I ran for cover, knowing what my Mom had in store. We had thousands of these foam curlers stored underneath our bathroom sink. I recall crying while my mom combed my wet hair and wrestled me to put them in. I looked like a 90 year old woman and didn’t quite understand why I had to wear them. The shitty thing was that THEY NEVER WORKED. My older sister and I’s hair would look awful. Our Mom would make us sleep in them and half way through the night I would always take them out in a fit of rage. The next day my Mom would brush out our curls (which made no sense what so ever) to make our hair look like we got struck by lightening. The best part of the whole process was when my Mom would lick her hand and try to tame our hair with her saliva. It was awesome smelling like spit and looking like a special person on Christmas, Easter, and any other time she felt like she wanted to punish us. Kids these days have it so easy I went through hell to look good.

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PLEASE  Note: The photo above is real and of my older sister..notice the spit hair.

 

 

 

 

I’m Back In Action BITCHES

11 Apr

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I’M BACCCCCCCCCK…. After 8 MONTHS, I am trimming my pink mustache again. My lack of blogging was due to a new job and an adult life..and i’m sorry. So in the past people have asked if they could guest blog and I think it’s a great idea. It will allow everyone to be in the spotlight and get their thoughts out there. SO LET ME KNOW IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN MOON LIGHTING FOR MY BLOG. The only rule is that you have to be funny and you can’t suck…also I’ve found that if you blog with just a bra on it makes you feel more comfortable, but that’s up to you. If you can manage that then the floor is yours.

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So for work I had to travel to CHI TOWN DOWN. I was only there for two nights and was working most days so I didn’t get to explore the city as much as I wanted. I did find it to be kinda like Boston but a little shittier. Boston wins..hands down, i’m sorry. BUT Chicago does have an awesome foodie scene. We went to dinner at The Purple Pig which was awesome. It was tapas with a twist and really tickled my fancy. For our fancy smancy work dinner we went to Mastros, where I devoured half a cow..while pouring Gorgonzola mac and cheese all over my face screaming THIS IS AWESOME. That was kind of the highlight of my trip. Our trek back to the bean was horrible. WE waited at the AIRPORT FOR EIGHT HOURS. yes..8 hours. I’m not kidding I thought I was going to die. Since the weather was thunder and lightening EVERYTHING was delayed. I witnessed an Asian man puke in front of 300 people in a waste basket. I tried to record it but it was done by the time i got my iPhone going. I think seeing security escort him to the bathroom was the best part. ONE AWESOME THING THAT I DID GET TO SEE AT THE AIRPORT WAS ALLIE FEDOTOWSKY (Bachelorette star who is now a nobody) She was with her hipster boyfriend who looked like Brad from Brad Brad World (Bravo or die). I loved seeing her so much because she looked like shit. Her blonde hair was tied up in a stringing pony tail and she was trying to stand in the corner to hide her bacon greased hair from the world BUT NOPE I saw her..I caught that bitch in the raw. I tried to snap a pic but only got 50 shots of the back of her head which was making me sick to look at because of the greasy slime dripping off. She caught on to what I was doing and ran toward the gate. I guess her bachelorette career turned into nothing, I mean taking a commercial American flight to Californian must have been depressing for her. The one positive thing about her was her Tory Birch boots. They were kickin’. I almost bought the same pair but opted out mid November due to the reality that they were $395 and not needed. I wanted to go up to her and simply say, “Allie I’ll wash your hair if need be..and I won’t even charge you.”

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    It feels good to be back bitches.

THINGS I MISS THURSDAY!

4 Oct

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        What am I missing on this Thursday? Wilson from Home Improvement. What the hell was his deal anyway? Why did he give such good advice and why didn’t we get to see him? He was the fucking George Feeny for adults. He really creeped me out. There was always an excuse as to why you couldn’t see his face, it didn’t even make sense. His hats were pretty legit though I gotta say.

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             I miss Gak so much. It was the coolest thing. Nickelodeon was bad ass when it came to slimy products. I wanted slime poured all over my body so badly. I heard actually that it tasted like bubble gum, which was kind of a turn off. Still to this day I would allow anyone to pour Nick slime all over me. Swear to God.

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           Do you remember when Heinz came out with Purple Ketchup?? The idea was so stupid. So obviously I made my Mom buy it. After squirting it on everything that needed ketchup I realized how gross it looked. I still ate it obviously but wasn’t really a fan of the purple slime there after.

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          The Great Mouse Detective was one of my favorite movies. I used to get so scared of it that I couldn’t watch it alone. Ratigan was the scariest villain ever. He was an extra large rat that claimed he was a mouse and wanted to take over. I used to be so nervous watching any scene with his scary ass in it.

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Things I Miss Thursday!!!!!!!

27 Sep

Image      Do you guys remember these? Orbitz was supposed to be the new futuristic drink but it never really stuck. I remember the first time I say Orbitz was on the Rosie O’donell show, she introduced it as the new thing. I used to beg my Mom to let me get one even though i didn’t even really like them…they were just “cool.” It was weird having tiny balls slide down your throat..not something i’m a fan of. One time I got one and spilled the entire thing in the back of my parents new Suburban..I was in so much trouble. It was WICKED STICKY and tiny balls were everywhere for months.

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          Blow up furniture used to the cool thing to have in your room, I don’t get what happened. I used to have a purple blow up chair with pink feathers in it. Limited Too carried these blow up wonders in every style…I wanted all of them. Limited Too used to be my favorite place of earth. The first bra I ever got was from Limited Too and the creepiest part is that my older sister still wears it…(embarrassing) I used to have my birthday parties at the Burlington Mall and after dining at Rain Forest Cafe each person was allowed to pick one item from LTD2 I always went for the lip gloss…obvi. I don’t even think they have LTD2 anymore, I think they now call it Justice or some stupid bullshit. My favorite piece of clothing that I owned from LTD2 was my pink Scrunchie shirt. The concept actually made no fucking sense. The shirt was made for a doll and came in one size but stretched enough for everyone to fit in it. It was pretty fucked up and weird…but I loved it.

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           Um. Please tell me you guys owned Starter Jackets???????? I find it creepy that my older sister and I did to be honest. I mean I don’t even really understand where the fuck my parents got them??? Goodwill? Mine was Orlando Magic and my sisters was the Hornets. We legit never watched sports and had no idea about either of these teams. WE used to wear these sexy pull overs to school daily. The worst part of it all was that these swishy jackets clashed HORRIBLY with our uniforms. Yes I wore a uniform for a good part of my life. I have to say Starter Jackets were wicked comfortable. I wouldn’t mind wearing one nowadays… The only people who wear them now are homeless men living in boxes on the streets of Boston. I might bring the trend back…watch out.Image

Are You There God? It’s Me, Bridie.

26 Sep

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             This is still one of my favorite books of all time. IF ANY OF YOU LADIES OUT THERE have not read Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. I suggest you go get a copy right NOW and get too it. Judy Blume was a Pre Teen God. I loved all her books but this one was my favorite. Blume wasn’t scared to talk about the REAL things a little slutty Pre Teen bitch was going through. Margaret endured a lot of hardships through out this book…getting her period, getting a bra, liking boys etc. It was SOOOOO good. Another Blume book that I read and LOVED was Summer Sisters. My older sister told me to read it, so I did. It was insane. As a 6th grader this book was pretty dirty..actually really dirty. To be honest I was kind of in shock after reading it. I loved it so much though. My Mom flipped out when she knew I read it, I think she thought I was going to become a Middle School slut or something …not like I was or anything.

                                          I think I’m going to re-read it. I LOVE JUDY BLUME!

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Monday’s Are Shit On A Stick

24 Sep

Image       I hate Mondays more than anything. My hangover is still looming from my escapades of Friday-Sunday and I pretty much hate myself…no I for sure hate myself actually. I feel like I have to go for a 30 mile run in order to work off my consumption of alcohol. Yesterday was a Sunday funday though for shizzle. My friends and I went to Legal Harbor Side for one of my friends 23rd birthdays and I loved every minute of it. I am usually not a fan of 15 dollar a glass shit Pinot Grigio but for an amazing view it was well worth it. After we ventured to The Legal Test kitchen where I had the best mussels ever. I love seafood so much I can’t stand it. Not to mention the truffle oil mac&cheese. I could legit eat truffle oil on paper towel I love it so much. I don’t think anyone in Boston utilizes the Seaport area enough. It’s beautiful. We always end up at the same bar night after night in Fanueil. I mean i’m not complaining it’s a fucking good time but having a change of pace is needed sometimes.

I love Boston though, everything about it..dirty water included

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